annihilation
crossed the mind of jean | July 2, 2008
“And the crazy part of it was even if you were clever, even if you spent your adolescence reading John Donne and Shaw, even if you studied history or zoology or physics and hoped to spend your life pursuing some difficult and challenging career, you still had a mind full of all the soupy longings that every high-school girl was awash in… underneath it, all you longed to be was annihilated by love…” ~Erica Jong
That, I do want to be. Annihilated by love.
If you were him, you’d get it.
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Whatever
crossed the mind of jean | June 30, 2008
I used to play alone on the seesaw. I would stand in the middle and try to balance. I was not good at it.
I used to see how far I could walk towards one side before the seesaw tipped. And when it started tipping, I would run as fast as I could back to the middle.
And then, I would repeat that, walking to the other side instead.
I don’t exactly understand balance.
Sense or sensibility. Heart or head. Me or you. Work or play. You get the picture.
I have no middle ground. I am like Marianne from Sense and Sensibility. And when I’m indifferent, I’m indifferent.
So whatever, you know?
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Why I Read.
crossed the mind of jean | June 28, 2008
I found it hard to read the classics when I was younger. They were not interesting enough to hold my attention and at that time, I was not as in love with words as I am now.
Besides the children’s classics, the only other author I managed to read was Edgar Allan Poe. And today, even though I manage to get through classics and I love words more than ever (I even love how they’re strung together to give different meanings), the one classic author that still manages to give me goosebumps everytime I read his work is Edgar Allan Poe.
This is just a verse out of his poem, The Raven:
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
“Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice:
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore-
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
‘Tis the wind and nothing more.”
And here’s a riddle from Alice in Wonderland: Why is a raven like a writing desk?
Here’s the answer from The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde: Because Poe wrote on both.
Get it?!
See, this is why I keep reading…and keep wanting to read more. I live to read. And I write to live.
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Hmph…men!
crossed the mind of jean | June 26, 2008
I was reading an article in Boundless. The article spoke to me. It’s not that I’ve been experiencing same-sex longings but the truth is, guys frustrate me sometimes. I don’t get them.
Below is an excerpt from the article.
And He’s opened my eyes to the glory of woman, a mystery that I can’t (nor can any other man) imitate or replicate. As I get closer to understanding the importance of my gender, the importance of hers is ever more undeniable.
Mike Ensley, Bearing the Image
If I were saying that I would change it to:
And He’s opened my eyes to the glory of man, a mystery that I can’t (nor can any other woman) imitate or replicate. As I get closer to understanding the importance of my gender, the importance of his is ever more undeniable.
Mmmm…yup, so guys are a mystery. But that’s okay.
I’ve been learning lately that not everything has to be figured out. Some things just are and that’s okay.
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Love.
crossed the mind of jean | June 25, 2008
I so agree…
“So far only one incontestable truth has been uttered about love: ‘This is a great mystery.’ Everything else that has been written or said about love is not a conclusion, but only a statement of questions which have remained unanswered. The explanation which would seem to fit one case does not apply in a dozen others, and the very best thing, to my mind, would be to explain every case individually without attempting to generalize. We ought, as the doctors say, to individualize each case.”
Anton Chekhov (1860-1904) , About Love
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ARGH!!!
crossed the mind of jean | June 18, 2008
You know how they say that eating cheese just before you sleep makes you dream weird dreams? I think it might be true.
Okay fine, I always have weird dreams but last night was insane! I was dreaming the WHOLE night.
I dreamt that I was back in high school, except this time, not as a student but as a journalist. I was a food critic and boy, there was A LOT of food. It was the end of the year party.
There was food lining all the tables in the canteen. There were tins of cookies in the library. There was food at the swimming pool. There was food on tables that were put at the side of the field. There was food EVERYWHERE.
I took some pie. Just one type of pie and I put it on my plate. I wanted to take more food but my co-writer said, “No, we’re just here to review this pie. After you review it then maybe you can eat other stuff.”
So fine, I took a bite out of the pie. And I didn’t even get a good enough taste because I had to write down silly information like “first taste”, “aroma” and stuff like that.
And then!! Before I could eat any more, I woke up!!
SO ANGRY!!!!
Well, on the bright side, at least I’m not angry at a person anymore.
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Je n’ai jamais rien demande a ce que je lis / Que le vertige
crossed the mind of jean | June 16, 2008
The quote above was said by Louis Aragon. In English, it means, “I have never asked anything of what I read / But vertigo”.
That word “vertigo” means so much. And I agree with him. That is why I read to live.
I finished reading Enduring Love by Ian McEwan today. 48 down, 953 to go!
I went to the library today. The fourth floor smelled amazing. I wanted to sit down in the middle of the aisle and just sniff…no, more than just sniff. I wanted to take DEEP breaths.
I returned all the books and DVDs I have on loan. And I decided that I would get something stimulating to read. Something that I would take some time mulling over.
So I got the notebooks of Albert Camus. He is the second youngest person to win a Nobel prize for Literature. The youngest is Rudyard Kipling, who won it when he was 42. And Kipling also happens to be the first English language writer to win the prize. And I love English.
I love how the same words used differently can mean different things. And I love it when words are used that way in titles of movies and books. The ones I have come across lately are: Good Will Hunting, Fighting Ruben Wolfe and Enduring Love.
*sigh*
I feel like eating my French cheesecake flavored yoghurt. But I’ve already eaten too many strawberry flavored Hello Panda biscuits. I feel like drinking strawberry milk. Oh no, the food feeling is coming back. The one where I want to hug the world!!
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